Changes
by Moderndaydrifter
Summary: Life is a fragile thing, and unexpectable things happen to those who never see it coming...
1. Something is Wrong

Disclaimer: I own nothing! This is for entertainment purposes only!  
This song is based on the Three Doors Down song titled "Changes".   
The song in this chapter is "Crawling" by Linkin Park and I do NOT own it!!  
  
Bosco rolled over on his left side and faced his alarm clock. The red numbers flashed in front of him, telling him it was 7:30. He rolled onto his back and rubbed his temples while staring up at the ceiling. His head had been pounding for the past few days but he couldn't figure out why. He sat up and blinked. He had a disconnected feeling as he looked around the room.  
  
He took a shower and ate, not really feeling well at all. When he was done he decided to turn the TV on though he really wasn't watching it. His mind was too focused on why he was feeling like he had a hangover, but he didn't drink the night before. He nodded and fell asleep on the couch.  
~~  
  
Faith stared at her watch as she finished putting her hair up and out of the way of her face. It was 2:55 and there was still no sign of Bosco.   
  
Davis noticed his absence. "Where's Bosco?"   
  
"Don't know, probably running late."  
  
"Or maybe woke up somewhere and forgot where he was." Sully laughed as he walked out of the locker room.   
  
A few seconds later Bosco barged in, duffel bag in hand.   
  
"Speaking of the devil." Davis patted him on the back and followed Sully, amazed at how Bosco could pull it off, being late all of the time.  
  
"How much time do I have?" Bosco emptied his bag and searched through it. He didn't even look up at Faith as he began to undress.  
  
"Not long." She looked down at him, noticing how tired he looked. In fact, he even looked skinnier than before. She didn't want to mother him but she had to ask. "Boz, are you okay?"  
  
He looked up from buttoning his shirt. "Yeah, why?" He arched his eyebrow as he looked in the mirror to straighten out his windblown hair.  
  
"I was just wondering."  
  
"What made you wonder?" He tied his boots and began to walk out the door, not even waiting for a response from her. He couldn't afford another tardy on his record.  
~~  
  
Bosco couldn't sit still through roll call. He shifted from side to side as he stared up at Swersky, who he wasn't really listening to. Faith glared at him as if he was her child but he ignored it. He was uncomfortable and miserable, and he didn't care what anyone thought about him.  
  
"Eyes and ears open out there."   
  
Faith stood up and approached Bosco's desk. "You ready to go?"  
  
"Uh, yeah." He nodded and stood up, nausea over taking him instantly. "Check out two radios Faith, I gotta go to the restroom."  
  
He opened the first available stall and puked out everything he had eaten that morning. He kneeled down and felt the acid coming up. After he was finished he sat down flat on the floor and leaned against the cold metal stall behind him.  
  
Faith paced outside the restroom doors and waited. She noticed Sully and Davis and glanced at her watch.  
  
"You guys see Bosco anywhere?"  
  
"Uh, no. Why?" Davis answered her.  
  
"He said he was using the restroom but he's been in there for like ten minutes."  
  
Davis opened the door. "I'll check on him." He peeked in and noticed Bosco in the first stall, staring down at the floor. "Bosco?"  
  
Bosco quickly looked up, wiping his mouth at the same time. "Yeah?"  
  
"You okay man?" He noticed the vomit in the toilet and felt like throwing up himself.  
  
"Yeah, just think it's the stomach virus." He stood up, his legs shaking as he walked towards the door.  
  
"Okay man, Faith is waiting on you."  
  
Bosco nodded and made his way out to the RMP.  
~~  
  
He opened the driver's side door and hesitated. "Uh, maybe you should drive."  
  
"Okay. You sure you are feeling okay?"  
  
Bosco sat down in the passenger seat and sighed. It felt good to sit down. "Yeah, I just think I'm coming down with something. I'll be fine." He nodded and leaned his head back.  
  
"Okay."   
~~  
  
At lunch they decided to eat at Hong Kong Grill, somewhere they both enjoyed.   
  
"I'll take the Mongolian Barbeque with a Dr. Pepper." Faith closed her menu and watched as Bosco squinted into his.  
  
"Um, I'll take a small plate of fried rice and a water. Thanks." He handed both of the menus to the waiter and glanced at Faith. "What now?"  
  
"You aren't hungry?"  
  
He shook his head no and took a long drink of his water when the waiter brought them back. "Like I said, I think I'm coming down with the flu or something. Don't worry about it."  
  
The waiter quickly brought the food out and Bosco glanced over his. He picked up his fork and brought it to his mouth. He couldn't help but notice how bad his hand was shaking. It was shaking so bad that all the rice fell off and back onto his plate. He tried it again but had no luck. Luckily Faith didn't notice.  
  
"Faith, I'm gonna hit the head. Be right back."  
  
He stared into the mirror across from him in the bathroom. His eyes had dark bags forming under them and his skin was pale. He ran some cold water over his face and savored how the water felt when it trickled over his skin. He picked up a paper towel and watched as his hand shook in front of him. He held it steady with his other hand.  
  
"Bosco, you are going crazy. You are just tired." He spoke aloud to himself as he walked back to finish the food that really didn't look to intriguing to him.  
  
"Everything okay?" Faith wiped her mouth and stared at his full plate of rice.  
  
"Yeah, I had to piss like a race horse. Look, I'm not really hungry. Let's just pay the bill and get outta here. The smell is making my stomach turn."  
~~  
  
Bosco sat in front of his locker after shift change wondering what the hell was wrong with him. He tried to act normal as Faith walked in.  
  
"See you later Faith." He got up to leave but she stopped him.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Yeah?" He turned around to look at her.  
  
"Go to the doctor or something. You don't need to be on the job if you have the flu okay?"  
  
"You know I'm not going to go to the doctor. I'll be fine. I just need some shuteye. See you tomorrow Faith." He winked at her and left, a million thoughts racing through his mind.  
  
Crawling  
By: Linkin Park  
  
Crawling in my skin   
These wounds, they will not heal   
Fear is how I fall   
Confusing what is real   
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface   
Consuming, confusing   
This lack of self control I fear is never ending   
Controlling   
  
I can't seem   
To find myself again   
My walls are closing in   
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)   
I've felt this way before   
So insecure   
  
Chorus   
  
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me   
Distracting, reacting   
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection   
It's haunting how I can't seem...   
  
To find myself again   
My walls are closing in   
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)   
I've felt this way before   
So insecure   
  
Chorus (Repeat until end)   
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface   
Consuming, confusing   
This lack of self control I fear is never ending   
Controlling (Whispered during chorus) 


	2. Getting Scary

*Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
The song in this chapter is "Unwell" by Matchbox 20.  
This story is based on the song "Changes" by 3 Doors Down.  
  
Bosco sat down on his couch when he got home and looked around the spinning room at himself. Something just didn't seem to be right and he knew that. He leaned his head back on a couch cushion and steadied himself as the room spun before his eyes. He'd been tired before, but not like this. He turned the TV on that was across from the room, but it was blurry to him. He rubbed his eyes quickly and squinted but the words came back fuzzy to him.  
  
"Just what I need, my vision to go bad." His mouth felt numb as he moved it. "What the fuck is wrong with me?" He ran his hand over his hair and stared at the floor.  
~~  
  
Fred could tell something was bothering Faith the moment she got home from work. She answered his questions with short, monotone one-word answers and she never really did that unless something was on her mind.  
  
"Faith, what's wrong?"  
  
She nodded and sat down beside him on the bed after changing into some comfortable pajamas.  
  
"Did something happen at work today?"  
  
"No, nothing happened. I've just got a lot of things on my mind right now." A single, solitary tear ran down her cheek and Fred quickly wiped it away.  
  
"You can tell me."  
  
She hesitated and then looked at Fred. "Bosco has been acting strange lately."  
  
"Strange? Like how?"  
  
"I don't know. He says he's coming down with the flu or something but I doubt that. He won't talk to me about anything. It just bothers me, you know?"  
~~  
  
Bosco walked up the stairs slowly as he came to work the next day. He tried to act as normal as possible when walking past superiors that would send him home if they knew he wasn't feeling up to normal. He gave a fake smile as he walked past Swersky and opened the locker room door.  
  
Faith was at the mirror, brushing her hair and Sully and Ty just stared back at him.  
  
"I see you found your way home last night Bosco." Sully shut his locker with a loud clank of the metal and began tying his boots.  
  
Bosco's anger flared as he walked towards Sully. "Fuck you man, fuck you!" He swung his hardest and hit Sully across the nose with his right fist. "Shut your damn mouth." He continued to swing but Davis pulled him off quickly.   
  
"What's your problem man? Sully was just joking with you!"  
  
"Let me go!" Bosco pulled away from Davis's embrace. He had no idea what caused him to blow up at Sully like that. He stared at Sully as he backed away, his breathing heavy. He felt embarrassed by the fact that he could let his anger take him over like that.   
  
"Boz, talk to me!" Faith sat beside him in front of his locker.  
  
"About what? I just got mad, that's all."  
  
"Mad? You call that mad? You were about to kill him."  
  
Swersky popped his head in. "Roll call."  
  
"Just forget it Faith." He stood up and walked to roll call, not even sure what happened himself, much less him being able to tell Faith what was up.  
~~  
  
Bosco let Faith drive again. His vision was still pretty blurry and he didn't want to cause any more trouble. He leaned his head against the cold window and watched the rainfall from the sky. Splashes from puddles hitting the window made him jump, causing Faith to laugh slightly.  
  
"You are jumpy today."  
  
"Yeah." He wasn't sure what to say so he left it at that.  
  
"You still feeling sick?"  
  
He took his eyes off of the rain forming on the window. "I feel better, but not my best. Is it any of your business?"  
  
"You are being awfully rude today Boz."  
  
"I'm always rude."  
  
She parked the car. "Not like this. You hit Sullivan. What were you thinking? You told him to fuck you. You never say that to him. He's been joking with you forever and you've never done that. Why did you do it today?"  
  
He wasn't sure how to answer Faith's question so he made up a lie. "All of those jokes finally got to me."  
  
"Since when do you let harmless jokes get you mad enough to clock him and say that?"  
  
He hit his hands against the dashboard. "Dammit Faith! I don't know what the hell is wrong with me okay! I woke up one morning with a FUCKING headache and I can't get rid of it. I feel like I haven't gotten any rest but I sleep good at night! There, I told you. Are you happy now?"  
  
The car fell silent as the raindrops from outside hit the car, making small trickle noises. Faith just stared at Bosco who leaned his head back and closed his eyes.   
  
"Maybe you should go to the doctor."  
  
"Maybe I shouldn't Mommy, now would you drive?" He didn't open his eyes and listened as she put the car into gear and pushed on the accelerator. He wanted to suck those words back into his mouth but he knew he couldn't. The words lingered in the silent car.  
  
Every now and then Faith would glance at Bosco who continued to keep his eyes closed. Something was really wrong with him. Sure, he could be an ass sometimes but not like this. That was the first time he had ever directed the 'f' word towards her. She pondered what the problem could be.  
  
His family? He really never even saw them so maybe it wasn't that.  
  
The job? Maybe he was just sick of being on the job and was taking it out on everyone else.  
  
Or was it her? She tried to think about things she had said before this change in him. She had called him useless but gave him an apology of some sort, though it wasn't the best. The whole new partner thing when those problems with Cruz came along. But they had made amends so what was the deal? The only way she would find out is if she got it out of him, but as of right now there would be no way.   
  
"5-5 David, we have a robbery in progress 2-1-9 and FlowerMound."  
  
Bosco queued his radio, "5-5 David, 10-4. 2-1..." He trailed off, not remembering the address given.  
  
Faith recovered, "2-1-9 and FlowerMound."  
  
They arrived at the small corner store and noticed the perp already running out of the store, gun in hand and a small, brown bag. Bosco immediately jumped out of the car, and Faith followed. They had a much better chance catching him on foot.  
  
Bosco ran as hard as he could but his lungs felt heavy and his legs wouldn't move fast. He began to slow down and noticed Faith passing him. His world felt like it was spinning as he watched Faith in front of him, catching the perp easily.  
  
"5-5 David to central, the suspect is in custody." Bosco spoke into his radio as he tried to catch his breath.   
  
How could Faith outrun him? She never did before and how she did as if he had never ran before in his life. He bent over, gasping for air as Faith cuffed the suspect and guided him back to the car.  
~~  
  
Faith approached Sully in the parking lot later that night after Bosco had left. He just had a small black eye but nothing more. He waved at Faith and smiled.  
  
"So, what's up with your partner?"  
  
Faith leaned against a small chain link fence and sighed. "I'm really not sure. All I know is he blew up at me really bad too. Today when we responded to that robbery we had a foot chase. I outran him. That never happens, but today I passed him like I was an Olympic sprinter or something."  
  
"He looks bad. He's got the bags forming under his eyes, he looks really skinny. It's none of my business but he's acting way different." Sully ran his index finger over his eye. "And I've got the mark to prove it."  
  
"Yeah. I'll see how it goes tomorrow. See ya later Sul." She smiled and walked away. Instead of turning where she normally did she decided to take a walk down Bosco's street. He'd probably be more of an ass to her if she went to his house but she didn't care. She wouldn't get sleep unless she knew what was going on with him.  
~~  
  
She knocked on his door and waited, hoping he was still awake. Luckily he opened the door quickly, his hair messy and his eyes half open.   
  
"What are you doing here?" He opened the door wider so she could come in.  
  
"I just thought we needed to talk, is that okay?"  
  
He closed the door and plopped down hard on his recliner, a bottle of water in hand. He sipped on it quickly. "Look Faith, I don't need you mothering me. I can take care of myself."  
  
"I'm not mothering you Bosco. And from my standpoint and the standpoint of others you don't look like you are doing to well."  
  
"Oh yeah? Who says that?" His voice was childish as he picked up the TV remote to turn the TV on.  
  
Faith quickly grabbed the remote. "No TV. I'm serious, I wanna talk to you."  
  
"Talk away then."   
  
She sat down across from him on his couch. "Tell me, seriously, what is going on with you?"  
  
He gave her a dirty look and stared at the blank TV.   
  
"Tell me without a fight please Bosco. I don't wanna argue with you."  
  
"I don't know Faith. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I just feel, different."  
  
"Different like how?"  
  
"My head is always hurting. My hands are shaky. I feel weak. There's something else Faith, that is scaring the shit out of me."  
  
She sat up. "What is it?"  
  
"My vision, its blurry. It's like I'm losing sight in my eyes."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Please, don't tell anyone about this. They'll put me on a desk if you do."  
  
She grabbed his hand. "You need to go to a doctor, please Bosco. This isn't the flu. It isn't normal."  
  
"I'm not sure what I'm gonna do."  
Matchbox 20  
Unwell  
All day  
Staring at the ceiling making  
Friends with shadows on my wall  
  
All night  
I'm hearing voices telling me  
That I should get some sleep  
Because tomorrow might be good  
For something   
  
Hold on  
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a   
Breakdown  
I don't know why   
  
(chorus)  
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell  
I know right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired  
I know right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be   
  
See me  
Talking to myself in public  
And dodging glances on the train  
I know   
I know they've all been talking 'bout me  
I can hear them whisper  
And it makes me think there must be something wrong  
With me   
Out of all the hours thinking  
Somehow  
I've lost my mind   
  
(chorus)  
  
Talking in my sleep  
Pretty soon they'll come to get me  
They'll be taking me away 


	3. The Possibilities

Disclaimer: I do not own anything!   
The song in this chapter is "Hello" by Evanescence and I do NOT own it!  
This story is based on the song "Changes" by 3 Doors Down.  
  
Bosco knew Faith was right about the doctor, but for some reason he really didn't want to go. He wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because he was afraid what the doctor would tell him. Maybe he didn't want to be put on a desk at work, or maybe he just didn't want to. He had been living with these symptoms for over a week so he knew it wasn't just some flu or something.   
  
He washed his face in his bathroom sink the next morning, feeling tired and drained. He looked up and stared at the mirror in front of him. His face looked tired and thin. He'd see how today went. If he didn't get any better he'd set up an appointment, just to get some medicine and get over this quickly.  
~~  
  
"So, you set up an appointment for the doctor yet?" Faith took a long sip of her coffee as they sat in the parked car and watched some people in a local park.  
  
"No, not yet." He shook his head.  
  
"What? Why not?"  
  
"I'm waiting to see how today goes. If I don't feel any better at the end of the shift I'll set one up tomorrow morning."  
  
"Okay. But what makes you think you'll get better, you've only been getting worse." She stared out the window.  
  
"I could use some encouragement. You are just making my confidence shoot up aren't you?" His sarcasm was obvious as he stepped out of the car and walked to a park bench. He couldn't handle the pain he was going through. The sunlight even hurt his eyes.  
  
He stared back at the car. Even the big, blue NYPD letters were blurry to him. He rubbed his eyes with his fists and looked back up. No change was made. Tears formed in his eyes. He was so damn confused. He just felt like screaming out but he held it in.  
  
"Boz?" Faith noticed the tears forming in his eyes.  
  
She surprised him. "What?!" He glared at her. Her face was even blurry to him and she was right in front of him. He blinked again and her face became clearer.  
  
"Are you okay, why are you crying?"  
  
"I'm not crying! Geez Faith, mind your own Goddamn business! FUCK!" He stood up, his anger overtaking him.  
  
She noticed a sudden change in his personality. She decided to walk slowly behind him but not say a word to him. He was taking everything to personal. She noticed his shoulders slouch and his legs give out. He fell towards the ground, shaking violently.  
  
"Bosco!!" He kneeled down beside him and looked into his face. His eyes were rolled back and his shaking moved faster. "5-5David, we need a bus at Foster Park at the entrance, we have an officer down." He tried to hold his head steady but he shook her away.   
  
Carlos and Doc arrived about 5 minutes later, gurneys in hand and their medical bags draped over their shoulders.   
  
"What's going on Faith?" Doc kneeled down and pulled a small flashlight out of his pants pocket.  
  
"We were talking, he got up to walk and he just fell to the ground." She watched as Doc inserted a small IV needle into his left arm, causing the shaking to calm down almost instantly. "Is it a seizure Doc?"  
  
"From what I can see, yes." He held up the IV bag as Carlos checked Bosco's pupils. Bosco was unconscious as they worked on his now lifeless body.  
  
"So could this be epilepsy?"   
  
Doc checked his pulse and looked up at Faith. "Well, it is hard to tell. Has he been complaining about anything to you, health wise?"  
  
"Well, yeah. He's been having headaches, blurred vision, lots of sleep but he still feels tired. Doc, he's even had serious mood swings. Worse than he ever had before."  
  
Doc nodded as they pulled Bosco onto the gurney. "That could mean anything, but we'll keep epilepsy a possibility. We'll meet you at Mercy ok?"  
  
Faith nodded and wiped a tear away.  
  
"Faith, look. I'm sure he's okay. Sometimes this happens." Carlos spoke as he shut the ambulance doors.   
  
"Thanks Carlos." Faith walked towards the RMP.  
~~  
  
Doc's words echoed in Faith's head as she drove to Mercy hospital.  
  
Epilepsy? That would be okay, he could take medicine and control that. But what if it was a stroke? What if he could have avoided having a stroke if he went to the doctor when he first had those symptoms? Sometimes his hard head got him into too much trouble.  
  
She watched from the car as they pulled him out of the ambulance, the doctor's rushing to his side as they wheeled him in. She quickly got out of the car and ran in, her heart beating fast as she approached Sully and Davis.  
  
"What's going on Faith?" Sully took her to the side and tried to draw her attention off of Bosco and the doctors.  
  
"What are you guys doing here?"  
  
"We heard the call on the radio. We thought we'd come check it out." Davis held up the radio and stared into the room where Bosco was being worked on.  
  
Faith sat down in a chair and put her head in her hands. "I don't know what happened. You guys saw how he as been acting right?"  
  
They both nodded.  
  
"Well, we were at the park and I asked him a question and he blew up at me. Cursed, said the 'f' word. He NEVER did that before. Well, he took off walking and just collapsed. Doc said it was more than likely a seizure. I thought it might be epilepsy but he said it could be many things."  
  
"Yeah, that's right." Sully stretched his legs out.  
  
Doctor Miller approached them. They all three stood up and stared back at him, his brow creased.  
  
"How is he doc?"  
  
"What he experienced was definitely a seizure. But, what caused this seizure we aren't sure yet. It could be a stroke, a blockage of some sort, or maybe heat stroke. It could be anything. Doc told me what his symptoms have been lately, and we cannot rule out a brain tumor. But that is a shot in the dark. We are waiting on a CT machine and we'll get him up there as soon as possible. He is awake, so you can go talk to him if you want to. Just don't crowd the room too much."  
  
"Thank you, doctor." Faith gave a small smile and walked into the exam room. "Hey Bosco." She sat beside him on the bed.  
  
He didn't say anything and stared up at the ceiling.   
  
"Talk to me Boz. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Worse than before. Something is really wrong with me Faith."  
  
Faith knew that it took a lot for Bosco to say something like that. Usually he had to be half dead before he would admit he wasn't feeling good. "You'll be okay. The doctor is being optimistic about it."  
~~  
  
Bosco was taken into the CT machine room about two hours after his seizure. He felt nervous as they slid him into the long, dark tunnel. He was always claustrophobic and this wasn't helping any.  
  
After 30 minutes of testing they took him out. He felt nervous as he stared at the radiologists that ran the tests.  
  
"Okay, we will have your results ready in about 30 minutes. We'll send them to Dr. Miller and he can tell you." The young girl smiled. All Bosco wanted to do was hit her. How could she be so peppy with a job like that?  
~~  
  
Bosco sat up in bed as he watched an infomercial on the TV. Faith read a magazine and sipped on a bottle of water as the impatiently waited for the results.  
  
"Faith, what if I have cancer or something?" He kept his eyes on the TV as he waited for her response.  
  
"We can sit here all day thinking about 'ifs' and 'buts' but that'll just make you go crazy."  
  
He took his eyes off of the TV. "I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm sure I look crazy to all of you."  
  
"No, you don't."  
  
They were interrupted by Dr. Miller who entered the room with a manila folder and a solemn look on his face. He opened the folder up and stared down at the papers, causing Bosco's heart to beat quickly.  
  
"Doctor, are you gonna tell us or just scare the shit outta us?" Bosco turned the TV off and waited.  
  
He closed the folder. "Do you want her in here?"  
  
Bosco looked at Faith and back at Doctor Miller. "Um, Faith? Sorry, but I'll tell you. I just don't feel comfortable with you in here right now."  
  
"I understand." Faith closed her magazine and placed it on the small table beside her. "I'll be outside." She smiled and exited, wondering why he didn't want her there but she didn't want to push it.  
  
Bosco stared at the doctor. "So, what is the verdict?"  
  
The doctor sighed. "Officer, you have a brain tumor. The results are positive that you have one the size of an orange growing on the surface of your brain. The medical term for it is malignant meningioma. It is in fact cancerous and it is continuing to grow. The roots of the tumor are making there way down into your brain. This explains all of the symptoms you have been experiencing lately."  
  
Bosco felt like the roof had just caved in on him. "Will you be able to remove it?"  
  
"We aren't sure yet. It might be too big to remove. If we cannot in fact, remove it, it will slowly take over your brain until it kills you. You will need to come in for extensive treatments and within the next few weeks we can determine if it is removable or not."  
  
Bosco felt a tear run down his face. "What are the chances of it being too big?"  
  
"75 to 80%." Dr. Miller didn't want to sugar coat it. He needed to be honest about this.  
  
Evanescence  
Hello  
  
Playground school bell rings again  
Rain clouds come to play again  
Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
Hello I'm your mind giving you  
Someone to talk to  
Hello  
  
If I smile and don't believe  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream  
  
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken  
Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide  
Don't cry  
  
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping   
Hello I'm still here  
All that's left of yesterday 


	4. Truths, Lies, and Life

Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
The song in this chapter is: "Away From the Sun" By 3 Doors Down and this story is based on the song "Changes" By the same band and I do NOT own them!!  
Special Thanks: To CCA for help with the last scene! Thanks so much Codes!  
  
Bosco was released from the hospital later that evening and told to come back tomorrow morning for the beginning of what he wanted to call a pain in the ass. He wasn't much of a religious man but it wasn't too late to start praying now.   
  
He changed out of his hospital gown and into some clean clothes his mother had brought him. He kissed the necklace that dangled from his neck. It had always been a good luck charm so he thought now would be a good time to take advantage of it. His mom entered the area where he was changing and noticed him slouched down and crying.  
  
"Maurice?"  
  
He looked up quickly and wiped his face. "Mom, what are you doing in here? I'm trying to change."  
  
"I used to change your diapers Maurice, this is nothing." She leaned against the wall and noticed he was upset. Hell, she was extremely upset about the news, but what could they do? She didn't want to lie around and be depressed all of the time about it. "You wanna talk about it?"  
  
He buttoned his shirt and stared back at her. "Mom, he gave me a 75 to 80% chance that it can't be removed. He's practically saying I have no chance."  
  
"That still leaves a 20 to 25% chance that it can Maurice. Think positive."  
  
He gave a small, sarcastic laugh. "Me, be positive? When has that ever been Ma?"  
  
"Maybe now's the time to start being positive. At least for your co-workers and me. Especially Faith."  
  
Bosco's stomach jolted. "She doesn't know. I don't want her to know."  
  
"What exactly are you gonna tell her?"  
  
"I'll just tell her this was something temporary. That I had blockage or something. I don't want her to know mom."  
  
"Why the hell not?"  
  
He zipped up his duffel bag and threw it over his shoulder. "I just don't." He walked out of the room, not even waiting on his mother.  
~~  
  
He was greeted by Faith in the lobby as he made his way through. He could tell she had been crying but he wasn't sure why. He tried to walk past her but she stopped him.  
  
"Boz, what did they tell you?"  
  
He noticed his mother giving him an unsure look as she passed by. "I'll be waiting in the car Maurice."  
  
"Okay Ma." He walked to a chair and sat down. "I had some kind of blockage in my brain. They said something like not enough oxygen was getting to my brain, which caused all of that trouble. They just said I need to come in and get some small treatments and I'll be okay."  
  
She sighed. "Are you sure?"  
  
"That's what they told me. The CT came back negative."  
  
"Okay. I'll see you later okay? What about work? You working the streets?"  
  
Bosco shrugged. "I gotta talk to Swersky. I better be!"  
  
He walked away. He didn't even know himself why he didn't want Faith to know. He had never lied to her that bad before and here he was, close to probably dying, and she had no clue.  
~~  
  
He walked into the hospital the next day not really ready for his treatments. Each day was a day closer to him finding out if he was going to die or not and he wasn't ready. He walked into the small room where the CT machine was and stared at the doctors in there.  
  
"Hello Officer, we are going to scan your brain one more time. This will insure if it is removable or not. We'll give you the results later this week."  
~~  
  
Bosco went into work at 2:45 feeling drained. Swersky stopped him at the front desk.  
  
"Bosco! Come here!"  
  
He stopped, feeling winded and tired. "Lieu?"  
  
"After your seizure we have to place you on a desk. You also need to update me on what the doctor told you. This is just precautionary until you get cleared okay?"  
  
"Lieu, can we step into your office?" He looked up the stairs where Faith was waiting. "I need some privacy."  
~~  
  
He sat down across from Swersky and rubbed his eyes. Everything was appearing blurry to him again.  
  
"Lieu, I have a brain tumor."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, it's the size of an orange. I went in for another CT scan this morning and they'll tell me later this week if it is removable or not later this week. If it isn't removable I'll die."  
  
Swersky leaned back in his chair causing it to squeak slightly. "What are the chances of all of this?"  
  
"Chances are that it's more than likely too big already. 75 to 80% chance." His mouth felt numb as he replied the stats back to Swersky.   
  
"Okay. And you want to keep this private?"  
  
Bosco nodded. "I don't even want Faith to know right now."  
  
"Okay. You'll be on a desk until we get this figured out okay? My prayers are with you."  
  
Bosco shook his hand. "Thanks Lieu. Thanks a lot."  
  
"And Bosco, if you need anything you know my door is always open."  
  
Bosco nodded once again and stood up.   
~~  
  
Faith walked with Bosco out to his car after shift change. "So, how was working a desk today?"  
  
He leaned against the cold metal and stared at the New York skyline. "Better than I thought. I felt better. I didn't worry about some things."  
  
"Are you feeling better?"  
  
He stared into her eyes and lied right to her, "I feel great. But I can't work the streets until the doc releases me. You know how long that could be."  
~~  
  
He went to the doctor at the same time the next day. His doctor held another manila folder in his hand. "Bosco, let's go to my office. We have the results in."  
  
Bosco felt nervous as he walked down the long hallway. In a few minutes he'd find out if his life was limited or if he was getting a second chance. In a few minutes his world would be either torn apart or lifted up but great news. His hands felt cold and clammy as he ran them across his shirt. He swallowed hard at the bile forming in the back of his throat. The room grew hot as he watched the doctor open the folder, the results under his hands as he pulled them out and looked over them.  
  
"Bosco, we have the results."  
  
Bosco saw the doctor's mouth move and heard his words echo through the room.  
  
"And?"  
  
"And, the tumor is in fact to large to remove."  
  
Bosco's breathing grew heavy as he stared back at the man that just basically told him he was going to die. Bosco quickly stood up. "How long do I have?"  
  
"It could range from 3 weeks to 3 months. It depends on the quickness of the growth of the tumor."  
~~  
  
Bosco walked up to his mom's apartment door and knocked three times, the bangs echoing in his ears. She opened the door. "Maurice?  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"Maurice, what is wrong?"  
  
His breathing grew heavy as he stared at some kids laughing and playing as they ran down the hallway. How could he say this to her? He couldn't even handle it himself.   
  
"Maurice! What happened?"  
  
He took a deep breath once more and began to speak, his mouth growing dry as he moved his lips. Tears flowed down his cheeks. "Mom, I'm gonna die."  
  
3 Doors Down  
Away From The Sun  
It's down to this   
I've got to make this life make sense   
Can anyone tell what I've done   
I missed a life   
I missed the colors of the world   
Can anyone tell where I am   
  
'Cause now again I found myself so far down   
Away from the sun that shines onto the darkest place   
I'm so far down away from the sun again   
Away from the sun again   
  
I'm over there   
I'm tired of living in the dark   
Can anyone see me down here   
The feeling's gone   
There's nothing left to lift me up   
Back into the world I know   
  
'Cause now again I found myself so far down   
Away from the sun that shines onto the darkest place   
I'm so far down away from the sun   
That shines to light the way for me   
To find my way back into the arms   
And tell about the ones like me   
I'm so far down away from the sun again   
  
It's down in there   
I've got to make this life make sense   
Now I can't tell what I'm doing   
Now again I found myself away from the sun   
That shines to light the way for me 


	5. Letting It Out

Disclaimer: I own nothing!   
  
The song in this chapter is "Changes" By 3 Doors Down. This story is also based on this song!  
  
Thanks to Brain Tumor.com for the research I did on this story!  
  
Rose pulled Bosco into a quick hug as he cried at the entrance of her apartment. The words hit her like a tone of bricks. "Maurice, what do you mean?" She pulled him all the way in and shut the door.  
  
He pushed her away and sat down on the couch. "The doctor is giving me 3 weeks to 3 months to live. The tumor is too big."  
  
"There are no treatments they can give you?"  
  
Bosco rubbed the tears out of his eyes. "No. They said that the treatments they have aren't powerful enough to stop this tumor. I waited too long to go to the doctor, that's the whole reason this is happening."  
  
Rose sat beside him. "What do you mean by that Maurice?"  
  
"I mean that I knew something was wrong with me for a long time, I was just too stubborn to go get checked out. If they would've caught this early they probably could have removed it." He stared into her eyes. "Mom, what am I gonna do?"  
  
Rose ran her fingers over his soft hair. "This is hard for me to say Maurice but I'm gonna say it. You need to make the best of these weeks you have left. Make peace with everyone. Just be a good person."  
  
Bosco nodded. "I haven't told Faith yet."  
  
Rose's eyes filled with tears. "Why not?" Her voice cracked. She couldn't believe her son was dying. He wasn't supposed to die before her. She wasn't sure how she was going to live without him here. He was everything to her.  
  
"I'm not sure how to tell her."  
  
"Just tell her the truth. There is nothing else to say. She'll understand."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco knocked on Faith's apartment the next day before going into work. Emily greeted him at the door. "You need mom?"  
  
"Uh, yeah." Bosco nodded and entered the cozy Yokas home. He watched as Faith walked down the hallway, a knot forming in his stomach as he thought about telling her.  
  
"Boz, what are you doing here?"  
  
He looked at Emily and Charlie who were watching a music video on the couch. He swallowed hard and looked back at Faith who had a smile across her face.  
  
"Faith, I just came by to see if you needed a ride. It's kinda hot out there today." The words of the tumor were on the tip of his tongue but for some reason he couldn't force them out.   
  
"Sure, I guess I could use a ride. How you feeling today?"  
  
"Never better." He gave a fake smile and followed her out of the apartment.  
  
~~  
  
"Does Swersky still have you working a desk?" Faith followed him up the stairs to the locker room.  
  
"Yeah, that damn doctor still hasn't released me. I don't know why either, I'm feeling great."  
  
"Just precautionary I guess. I'll see you later okay?" Faith opened the locker room door, feeling like something just wasn't right with the way Bosco had been acting towards her. She greeted Sully and Davis and began changing.  
  
"You guys notice anything different about Bosco lately?" She looked at them through the mirror as she pinned her hair back out of her face.  
  
Davis tied his left boot and looked up at her. "No, but I haven't really seen him around lately. Is he still working the desk?"  
  
"Yeah. He says he feels fine and stuff but he just seems weird. Hell, I don't know, could be my imagination."  
  
Sully thought of a million jokes to say to that but he decided now wasn't the best time to say them. "I'm sure he's okay Faith." He patted her shoulder and walked to roll call.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco waited as Davis walked out of the precinct doors at 11:15. He approached him the parking lot. "Hey man, you wanna go for a drink or something at Haggerty's?"  
  
"Sure man. I need to talk to you anyway."  
  
Bosco's stomach jolted. "About what?"  
  
"Faith's worried about you man. She says that you have been acting different lately."  
  
Bosco looked down at the sidewalk and kicked a small rock down the road. "Oh does she? I'm fine. I'm just a little confused right now."  
  
Davis stopped walking and looked at the smaller, yet more experienced cop in front of him. "Just tell me what is going on. I won't tell Faith. We are buddies, let it out."  
  
Bosco leaned against a light pole on the side of the street and watched as two girls walked past them. "Davis, I'm dying." He looked up at what little stars he could see in the sky above him.  
  
"Dying? What do you mean?"  
  
"I have a brain tumor. It is too big to remove or treat. The doctor gave me a maximum of three months to live. I just can't find a way to tell her. We are so close that it'll hurt her."  
  
They both grew silent, as they stood on a sidewalk busy with people, though now it seemed empty. Bosco continued to lean against the pole.  
  
"Say something Davis."  
  
"I...I'm not sure what to say. Here you are hitting me with something that is so dramatic. I'm not sure how to handle this."  
  
"Try being in the doctor's office when he told me. Try being in my shoes." Bosco pointed at his own chest. "This is no field trip for me Davis."  
  
"I never said it was. You NEED to tell Faith. You say it's going to hurt her if you tell her right?"  
  
Bosco nodded, "Right."  
  
"Well, what if you die tonight, and she never knew. You are going to leave this world having Faith thinking that you lied to her. You don't need that. Not Faith. She's too important to you. Do you get what I'm saying?"  
  
Bosco began to walk once more. "It's not that easy Ty."  
  
"What's so hard about it? I mean, you told me didn't you? Just do the same to her."  
  
"It isn't the same Ty. She's been my partner for 9 years now. I can't explain it." He sat down on a park bench after becoming winded from the walking. "Ty, when I need you, are you going to be here for me?"  
  
"Of course man." Ty noticed the sudden mood change in Bosco's behavior. He figured it must've been something to do with the tumor.  
  
~~  
  
Faith and Fred sat on the couch and watched "Coyote Ugly" while the kids were asleep. Faith's mind wasn't on the movie though. Fred interrupted her thoughts.  
  
"You know, there is one good thing from this movie."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Those girls dancing on the bar. That's nice."  
  
Faith stood up. "I'm going to bed okay?" Knocking on the door echoed through the apartment. "Who could that be?" She walked to the door; relieved Bosco was standing in the threshold. "Boz?"  
  
"Faith, can we talk?" He looked in and noticed Fred on the couch. "Or better yet, can you go for a walk with me? I need to tell you something."  
  
"Sure. Let me put on a different shirt. I'll be right back." She turned and faced Fred. "I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll be back later okay?"  
  
~~  
  
She stared at Bosco as they made there way to the nearest neighborhood park. "So, are you gonna talk or am I gonna have to read your mind?" Faith smiled and sat down on a swing.  
  
His heart began to beat out of his chest as he looked at her on the swing. "Faith, I..." He trailed off.  
  
"You? You what?"  
  
Tears filled his eyes. "Faith, I lied to you about what happened at the hospital."  
  
She got off of the swing and stood beside him. "How did you lie?"  
  
"Faith, I have a brain tumor. The question isn't IF I'm going to die, the question is WHEN I will die." He stared at her, his face now soaked from the salty tears falling from his eyes. He could tell his words hit her hard.  
  
"What?" Her voice cracked as she sat down on the dirt beneath them. He sat down beside her and pulled her into a hug.  
  
"The doctors can't remove it. The most they gave me to live was 3 months. I just couldn't find a way to tell you, please forgive me." He felt her tears soak through his shirt.  
  
"I'm not mad Bosco. I'm not mad. I'm so sorry this is happening to you."  
  
He looked her in the eyes. "Don't be sorry Faith. This is my destiny. This was what God had planned for me. It was all planned before I was even born. So don't be sorry."  
  
She had never heard Bosco talk like that before. He had never mentioned God or destiny or anything haunting like that.   
  
"Bosco, I'm not sure what to say to you."  
  
"Don't say anything." They sat in the middle of the park for so long. They both lost track of time as they sat there in silence, their thoughts on different things that the future held for both of them.  
  
~~  
  
Bosco met Faith at work the next day. "Hey Faith. Today at roll call I'm gonna tell everyone. They need to know."  
  
She gave a small smile. "Yes, they do."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco stared at everyone, his fellow co-workers and friends. He gripped the sides of the podium and swallowed hard as he looked at everyone. He coughed to clear his throat and began.  
  
"You guys are probably wondering why I'm up here instead of Swersky. No, I didn't get promoted. You guys think I would ever get promoted?" He heard some laughter. "Anyway, back to the reason I'm up here. You probably already know that I was taken into the hospital the other day. Well, while I was there they told me that I have a brain tumor, and that I only have a few months to live. I just thought it would be appropriate to tell all of you since we have worked together so long. I'm not telling you guys this so you can feel sorry for me, I'm telling you this because you are all my friends, and you all needed to know. Thank you, for being in my life. I'm still going to come into work until I can't get out of bed anymore so don't think you are getting rid of me just yet. You guys stay safe out there." He stood down from the podium and shook Swersky's hand. "Thanks, for letting me do that."  
  
The roll call room fell silent as Bosco walked out. Faith walked out after him in the hallway.   
  
"That was good Bosco."  
  
"I just said what I meant. I've never been this emotional before. The doctor told me the tumor would change me. I guess instead of an arrogant ass I'm a sympathetic wimp now." He smiled.  
  
She pulled him into a hug. "I'm here for you Bosco."  
  
She heard him give out a small cry. "Faith, I'm scared to die."  
  
Three Doors Down  
  
Changes  
  
I'm not supposed to be scared of anything  
  
But I don't know where I am  
  
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted   
  
And nobody understands (how I feel)  
  
I'm trying hard to breathe now  
  
But there's no air in my lungs  
  
There's no one here to talk to   
  
And the pain inside is making me numb  
  
I try to hold this, under control  
  
They can't help me, cause no one knows  
  
Now I'm going through changes, changes  
  
God, I feel so frustrated lately  
  
When I get suffocated, save me  
  
Now I'm going through changes, changes  
  
Feeling weak and weary  
  
Walking through this world alone  
  
Everything they say, every word of it  
  
Cuts me to the bone, (and I bleed)  
  
I've got something to say  
  
But now I've got nowhere to turn  
  
It feels like I've been buried  
  
Underneath the weight of the world  
  
I try to hold this, under control  
  
They can't help me, cause no one knows  
  
Now I'm going through changes, changes  
  
God, I feel so frustrated lately  
  
When I get suffocated, save me  
  
Now I'm going through changes, changes  
  
I'm blind and shaking bound and breaking  
  
I hope I'll make it through all these changes  
  
Now I'm going through changes, changes  
  
God I feel so frustrated, lately  
  
When I get suffocated, save me  
  
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it  
  
But I'm going through changes, changes  
  
God I feel so frustrated lately  
  
And I get suffocated I hate this  
  
But I'm going through changes, changes  
  
TBC...... 


	6. Time In A Bottle

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!  
  
The song in this chapter is "Time in a Bottle" by Jim Croce  
  
This story is based on the song "Changes" by 3 Doors Down and I do NOT own them!  
  
Bosco felt the awkward tension when he would walk past people that knew about his condition. He would just give a fake smile and continue to walk, not trying to make eye contact with any of them. He was glad Faith was there for support, without her he wasn't sure where he'd be. His mom wasn't much; she would just sit and cry when he was in her presence. That was something he didn't need at the moment.  
  
"What are you going to do tonight Boz?" Faith followed him to the parking lot and looked up at the gray clouds forming above them.  
  
He shrugged. "Probably write my will."  
  
She took a deep breath. "You want me there?"  
  
"Ma's gonna be there. You can come if you want."  
  
"I might do that." She nodded. "Swersky let me off today so I'll be there."  
  
~~  
  
They decided to meet at his lawyer's office at 7:00. Faith walked up the stairs slowly, the thought of Bosco writing his will hitting her hard. Bosco writing his will? This can't be right. She was startled when she saw him standing at the top of the stairs, a manila folder in his hand.  
  
"Hey Faith." He waved the hand the folder was in.  
  
"Hey Boz, what'cha doing?"  
  
He stared down at the stairs below him. "Waiting on Ma to get here." His voice was quiet and low.  
  
"It's only 6:55, she'll be here in a few minutes." Faith looked at her watch and smiled.  
  
"Faith, what if I just threw myself down the stairs and ended it all right now?" He kept his eyes on the floor below him. "It's 6 stories, I'd surely die. Splat."  
  
She followed his eyes and looked where he was. "Bosco, what are you talking about?"  
  
"Killing myself. I mean, why stay alive if I know I'm gonna die anyway?"  
  
"Because you have a chance to live out these days, make the best of them. Ending it now will just make things worse."  
  
He took his stare away from the floor and into her eyes. "Make the best of things? That is what everyone tells me. Make the best of it. What the fuck is that supposed to mean anyway? I'm sitting here, knowing I'm a dead man. How the fuck is anyone supposed to make the best of things when they know they are fixing to die, go to la la land forever?"  
  
Faith noticed his blank facial expression as the violent words flowed from his mouth. She knew this wasn't the real Bosco so she didn't want to waste her time. It was just the tumor causing this. "Bosco, I don't know. But you need to."  
  
"It's all a bunch of bullshit if you ask me." He noticed his mom coming up the stairs. "You know Faith, I have a mother, and you aren't it. So why don't you just shut the hell up? Can you do that for me?"  
  
She felt tears forming in her eyes. She hated seeing Bosco the way he was. She whispered, "Okay."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco sat down across from his lawyer and began to write. His hand shook as he wrote down things he thought he wouldn't have to for a long time.  
  
"I don't have much I'm leaving behind." He looked up from the paper.  
  
"That's okay. Just write down things, even if they are small. Everything counts." His lawyer spoke while watching him write.  
  
Teardrops soaked the paper in front of Bosco as he paused. He watched the ink smear. "Ok, I'm done." He handed his lawyer the paper. "I gotta get outta here. Thanks." He stood up and quickly exited the room.  
  
~~  
  
He walked out to the parking lot and splashed through puddles being formed by the rain. He had nowhere to go. He felt trapped. He noticed Faith and Rose walking towards him and sighed. The rain poured down on them as they stood on the asphalt, silence between them.  
  
"Maurice, let's go eat."  
  
"I'm not hungry." He felt his legs grow numb as he fell into a large puddle. He could see Rose and Faith standing over him but he couldn't talk or move.  
  
"Bosco!" Faith dialed 9-1-1.  
  
~~  
  
Faith looked through Bosco's exam room as the doctors worked on him. She had called Sully and Davis also, just so they'd know what happened.   
  
"What happened?" Sully stared in the window, his eyes frightened by the site in front of him.  
  
Faith wiped her nose and exclaimed, "He had another seizure." She paced back and forth, taking her eyes off of the window every few seconds.  
  
Davis sat down and put his hands over his face. "God, I can't believe this is happening. Bosco can't die. He was always one of those people that I looked at as immortal. It's just strange to me."  
  
"Strange or not, it's happening." Faith sat down beside him and noticed one of the doctors approaching them.  
  
"I'm Dr. Luskens." He stuck his hand out for them to shake.  
  
"So, what's going on with him?" Faith stood up once more and looked into the window.  
  
"I'm sure you know he had another seizure. The tumor has grown inside his brain, overtaking many parts already. As of right now he's okay, but the next seizure he has, and he will have one, will probably cause him to go into shock, send him into a coma, and eventually cause him to go brain dead."  
  
"Oh God!" Faith sobbed into Sully's shoulder. A small tear trickled down his face.   
  
"Shh Faith. It's okay." He rubbed her back as they stood there in the quiet hallway of the hospital.  
  
"Also, I want you to be aware that he is changing. He isn't the same man you knew before this. One minute he'll be happy go lucky, the next he'll be totally opposite."  
  
Faith nodded. "Yeah, I've already experienced that. I figured it was having to do with all of this."  
  
~~  
  
Faith entered Bosco's room slowly after he gained consciousness again. "Hey Boz."  
  
He lifted his hand that was bruised from the IV that had been inserted. "Hey." His voice was raspy and low.  
  
"How you feeling?"  
  
"My head hurts." He ran his hand over his forehead.  
  
"Use your morphine pump, that is what it is there for."  
  
He nodded. "I don't like using too many drugs. It just doesn't feel right."  
  
"Okay." She stared up at the TV and noticed he was watching the Country Music Channel. That was odd, he never really did care much for country music and here he was watching it. "You into country music now?"  
  
"It's not that bad. Talks about heartache, loss, people dying, just sorrowful stuff. Kinda like my life, don't ya think?"  
  
"Of course not." She wasn't sure what to say to him.  
  
He sighed and turned the TV off. "So, what's the verdict? What did the doctor tell you?"  
  
She paced at the foot of his bed. "Probably what he told you."  
  
"He hasn't come to talk to me yet."  
  
"He just told me you had a seizure, that's all." She didn't want to tell him anything, it was always best to find out from the doctor, besides, she was never good at giving out bad news.  
  
Bosco sighed and threw the remote on the table beside his bed. "Bullshit."  
  
"Bosco, be quiet. Let the doctors tell you what you want to know, that's there job, not mine." She watched him as he rolled his eyes at her.   
  
~~  
  
Bosco watched as Faith lay on the small couch in his room, sound asleep and snoring slightly. He couldn't help but laugh. He rolled on his side and felt a small tear trickle down his cheek. Questions arose in his mind and he lay in the quietness of the room.  
  
What is death like?  
  
Will I be missed?  
  
How will Faith take it? How will Ma take it?  
  
Is it going to hurt?   
  
Am I destined for heaven or hell? That question sent chills through his body. Heaven or hell, something that had always raised controversy in this country. He was sure he was destined for hell. In his mind he was never a good person, though others may have told him different. Dr. Luskens interrupted his thoughts.  
  
"Officer, you up for a small chat?" He shut the hospital room door and sat down in a chair at the foot of the bed.  
  
"Now or never I guess."  
  
"Okay. What you suffered was a seizure. Now here is the bad news. If you have another one it won't be good for your body."  
  
"Meaning?" Bosco hinted for him to continue.  
  
"Meaning you probably won't survive it."  
  
Bosco looked over at Faith he was slowly awaking. "Do you have an idea when I might could have another one?"  
  
"From the reports we are giving you about one more week, maybe less."  
  
Bosco nodded. "Well can I at least get signed out of here so I don't have to spend my last week here? I mean, what a lousy way to die right?"  
  
"Yeah, we'll sign you out later today."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco interlocked arms with Faith as they walked to her truck in the parking lot. His mind was experiencing mixed emotions that he couldn't explain. He was worried about dying, but then somewhat relieved. The relieved part he didn't understand.  
  
"Faith, you know what?" He climbed in the truck and waited for her to get in the driver's side.  
  
"What's that Boz?"  
  
"I'm worried about dying, but in a way I'm kind of relieved."  
  
She turned the key forward as the engine revved up. "That's good Bosco. I'm glad you feel that way."  
  
"I'm worried for my mom. I'm worried for..."  
  
"For?" Faith glanced at him as she brought the truck to a stop at a red light.  
  
"For you." He whispered as he watched some people walking in a cross walk adjacent to the truck.  
  
"Boz, I'll be upset. But I'll always have a place for you. Always."  
  
"Somehow you need to always remember that death is a part of life. We all experience it. There's no avoiding it. Though some people's end comes before others. I hope I at least make it to heaven."  
  
Faith felt tears fall from her eyes. The warm moisture trickled down to her lips. She felt his hand wipe them away.   
  
"Faith, don't cry for me. Please, that's all I ask."  
  
"That's a hard thing to do Bosco."  
  
He leaned his head against the window. "I wish I could just pause time and do the things I need to before all of this ends. Life is too short."  
  
Time In A Bottle  
  
Jim Croce  
  
If I could save time in a bottle  
  
The first thing that I'd like to do  
  
Is to save every day   
  
Till eternity passes away  
  
Just to spend them with you  
  
If I could make days last forever  
  
If words could make wishes come true  
  
I'd save every day like a treasure and then  
  
Again, I would spend them with you  
  
But there never seems to be enough time  
  
To do the things you want to do  
  
Once you find them  
  
I've looked around enough to know  
  
That you're the one I want to go  
  
Through time with  
  
If I had a box just for wishes  
  
And dreams that had never come true  
  
The box would be empty   
  
Except for the memory  
  
Of how they were answered by you  
  
But there never seems to be enough time  
  
To do the things you want to do  
  
Once you find them  
  
I've looked around enough to know  
  
That you're the one I want to go  
  
Through time with  
  
TBC.... 


	7. My Immortal, My Mortal

Disclaimer: I don't own anything  
  
The song in this chapter is "My Immortal" By Evanescence and I don't own it! Please don't sue!  
  
Author's Note: Okay, this story finally got to me, I broke down and cried while I was writing this chapter..I feel like a wuss! LOL..hope you enjoy it in that sappy sort of way! :)  
  
The meaning, "Life is short, make the best of it" had all new meaning to Bosco, Faith, and everyone around him. Though he really wasn't sure what it meant he was going to live by it. He could practically see the sorrow in everyone's eyes when they would look at him. He hated the feeling but he didn't want to be a hermit and not be around them, that would be a bad way to end his life.  
  
He wasn't sure what he could do this last week. Make amends with his father or brother? That would be awkward but it needed to be done. He sat by Faith in a small diner on King Street. He was thankful Swersky had given her time off, though he knew why. It was only so she could be with him his final days.   
  
"What do you have planned for today?" Faith leaned back in the booth and sighed. She had eaten more than she planned on.  
  
"I'm not sure. I was thinking about visiting Mikey. Maybe even my dad."  
  
"Really?" Faith noticed Bosco staring out the window.   
  
He took a drink of water. "What, you don't think I should?"  
  
"I think it is a great idea Boz. Of course."  
  
~~  
  
Bosco took a deep breath as he walked up to his brother's apartment, a place he hadn't been in awhile. He knocked on the door a couple of times, the hard pounds echoing in his mind. He heard some beer bottles clank and the stereo. To his surprise his brother answered in a nice shirt and some khakis.   
  
"Maurice?"  
  
"Hey Mikey, are you busy?"  
  
"Nah man, I just got home from work. What's up?" Mikey opened the door wider so Bosco could walk in.  
  
"You have a job. That's great man, I'm happy for you." He paused and looked around the cozy room. "Have you talked to mom lately?"  
  
Mikey nodded. "Sit down take a load off." He moved some newspapers from the couch and threw them on the table beside the couch. "I haven't talked to mom in like a month, did something happen?"  
  
Bosco sat on the edge of the couch. "I'm surprised she didn't. I came by to tell you something. I.." He cut off as he noticed an old picture of him and Mikey when they were 12 and 10. They had just got done with a baseball game.   
  
"Maurice? You what?" Mikey broke his concentration.  
  
"I have a brain tumor." The room grew silent as Mikey stared back at him. "I only have about a week or less to live. I just thought you should know since you know, we used to be close."  
  
Mikey stood up and paced back in forth in front of him. "This can't be true. Why didn't you tell me sooner, I mean, you probably knew about this a long time before now. You come here and tell me that all I have left with you is a week? Maybe less? I'm not sure how to take that."  
  
Bosco grabbed his arm. "Mikey, stop pacing would you? I didn't know about this until about a week and a half ago. I had the symptoms for a while but I was too stupid and ignorant to go get checked, you know how that is. I would've probably been saved if they would have caught it early."  
  
"And mom didn't call me?" He stared down at Bosco. "I'm so sorry Maurice."  
  
"Why are you sorry, this isn't your fault."  
  
Mikey pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you man. Does dad know?"  
  
Bosco shook his head. "Not yet. I'm not sure he needs to know. It would probably be a form of entertainment for him."  
  
"He needs to know. You want me to come with you?"  
  
Bosco shook his head once more. "Nah, I need to do this on my own. This is my mistake."  
  
~~  
  
He slowly walked through the parking lot of the small apartment building his father lived in. He swallowed hard and knocked on the door. He listened but now sounds came from inside the door. He knocked once more, this time harder.  
  
"Can I help you?"  
  
Bosco quickly turned around to his father standing behind him, a grocery bag in his hand. He moved to the side allowing his father to unlock the door.  
  
"Uh, hi dad." Bosco wasn't sure what to say so he just followed him in the living room.  
  
"What do you want Maurice?" He set the bag on the small round table in the kitchen.  
  
"I just came to tell you that I'm dying. I thought you might want to know."  
  
His father slowly sat down in a small wooden chair and pulled a loaf of bread out of the bag. "Are you coming here to tell me this to make me feel sorry for you?"  
  
Bosco nodded. "No, I came here out of respect. I'm telling everyone that has a right to know."  
  
"Your mom called and told me. I know. I'm sorry you are going through that but I'm not big on telling you things. It's nothing personal."   
  
Bosco watched as his dad spread some mustard on the bread in front of him. "I understand that dad. Anyway, I just wanted to come tell you in person, make things right. I know we didn't have a good past. I'm sorry for that." Bosco stood up to leave.  
  
"I'm sorry to Maurice. Kids shouldn't die before there parents. It's just unethical. But I guess there's nothing we can do now is there?"  
  
Bosco turned around. "No, I guess there isn't."  
  
~~  
  
Faith awakened by Fred coming in after work at 6:00. She yawned and noticed the TV was still on from earlier. She rubbed her eyes and sat up. The sleeping pills she had taken really had helped. At least she got Bosco off of her mind for the few hours she did sleep.   
  
"How long did you sleep today?" Fred grabbed two cups from the cabinet and poured some lemonade in both.  
  
She glanced at her watch. "3 hours. How was work?"  
  
"Boring as hell. Where are the kids?"  
  
"Next door. Emily was working on a project with the girl over there."  
  
Fred sat beside her and handed her the glass full of yellow liquid. "How are you feeling?"  
  
She took a long drink. "I'm not dying."  
  
"How is Bosco?"  
  
"Got less than a week left. He went and made peace with his dad and brother today." She felt tears fall and burn her cheeks as she stared at a music video on the TV. She felt Fred's arm wrap around her tightly.  
  
"It's okay Faith. Everything will be okay."  
  
She wiped the running mascara away with a Kleenex. "It's not okay Fred, it's NOT okay. Bosco is my best friend and he's fixing to be gone. You are acting like he is leaving on a trip. He's leaving FOREVER. He won't be back. I'll never see him again. I don't know how in the hell to comprehend all of this shit Fred."  
  
He pulled her into a tight hug. "Take it one day at a time, that's the best advice anyone could give you. Don't think of the end of the road, think of right at this moment. Go spend it with him Faith, I understand."  
  
~~  
  
Faith met up with Bosco at a Chinese restaurant they would always visit while on duty. He could tell she had been crying but he was afraid to ask about it so he left it alone. He took a long sip of his water.  
  
"Faith, what did you do today?" He made small talk to get the awkward silence to drift away.  
  
"I actually got some sleep in. How did everything go with your family?"  
  
He ran his fingers over the condensation forming on his glass. "It went good actually. It didn't end a fight. That's a start for the Boscorelli's."   
  
"Good to hear. So how are you feeling?"  
  
"I've got a headache like never before, but other than that I'm feeling good."  
  
~~  
  
After dinner they took a long walk to Central Park. It was mainly silent though they both knew what was on each other's minds. Bosco sat down on a park bench and watched some kids laughing across them on the playground.   
  
"Faith, do you think this is the last time I'll hear children's laughter?"  
  
She watched them, as they played, not a worry present in their minds. "I don't know Bosco. I hope not." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly.  
  
"I hope this world improves when I'm gone."  
  
Faith squeezed his hand tighter. "What do you mean by that?"  
  
"This country has gone to hell. I hope it improves. As of right now it is only getting worse. You are taking this better than I expected Faith. Either that or you are keeping stuff in. Talk to me, be open about things."  
  
She leaned back. "I'm just taking things one day at a time. I'm not thinking about the end."  
  
He sniffed hard and smiled. "That's a good way to do it."  
  
She looked into his eyes. "It will be different without you though. You are my best friend. We made it through the academy together, the hard times, the good times, everything. I don't know how I'm going to handle this after you are gone."  
  
"Just remember that death is a part of life. Though my life was short lived." He raised his eyebrows.  
  
Faith wiped away the tears streaming down her face. "Not that you want to hear this or anything but, I always knew you would die young. I just couldn't see you growing old." She knew it was a harsh thing to say but he wanted her to be open about things.  
  
"Yeah, but I never thought something like this would bring me down. I always thought I'd be killed on some shoot out or something, not stuck in a hospital bed with a million tubes sticking out of me. This isn't Maurice Boscorelli."  
  
"Yeah it is. Maurice Boscorelli is a mortal. Officer Bosco is immortal. I'll always remember you didn't get killed being a cop. You got killed being an every day human being."  
  
~~  
  
Faith stared at her alarm clock beside the bed later that night. It was 1:45 am and she still hadn't fallen asleep. She could hear Fred's light snoring coming from beside her. She rolled over to her back and stared up at the dark ceiling, Bosco's words echoing in her mind.  
  
"Faith, do you think this is the last time I'll hear children's laughter?"  
  
She wiped away a tear that trickled down her face. He thought she was taking this well, but deep inside she hated it. She just wanted to be strong for him. She could only imagine what Rose was going through. Every time she saw Rose she was crying.  
  
The phone ringing interrupted her thoughts. "Hello?"  
  
"Faith?" She heard someone's voice crack over the other end.  
  
"Rose? What's wrong?"  
  
"You need to get down to Mercy right now."  
  
TBC...  
  
Evanescence  
  
My Immortal  
  
I'm so tired of being here  
  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
  
And if you have to leave  
  
I wish that you would just leave  
  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
  
And it won't leave me alone  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
All of me  
  
You used to captivate me  
  
By your resonating life  
  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
  
Your face it haunts  
  
My once pleasant dreams  
  
Your voice it chased away  
  
All the sanity in me  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
all of me  
  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
  
But though you're still with me  
  
I've been alone all along  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
All of me 


	8. Tears In Heaven

Disclaimer: I own nothing, the song in this chapter is "Tears In Heaven" by Eric Clapton and I don't own that either!  
  
Faith felt weak as she walked through the sliding emergency room doors. She saw Rose and Michael waiting, there eyes soaked with tears as they stared at her. She knew something bad had happened. She approached them, her eyes forming tears that slowly began to trickle down her face.  
  
"Rose, what happened?"  
  
Rose stood up and pulled her into a hug. "Faith, he had another seizure, a bad seizure."  
  
Faith pulled away. She remembered what the doctor had told her. One more seizure and he'd die from it. She had a sudden wave of nausea run over her as Rose's words hit her like a ton of bricks. His time to go was now, it was here. The wait was over.  
  
Faith stared down at Mikey who had his hands folded and his eyes closed. He was praying, something Faith had never seen any of the Boscorelli's do.  
  
"What room did they take him in?" Faith's voice was shaky as she stared down at Rose who was now sitting again.  
  
"Exam room one." She pointed in its direction and watched Faith as she practically broke into a jog towards the room.   
  
Faith stopped in front of the window that showed into his room. A nurse and two doctors stood over him, there brows creased and their faces showing no hope for the future of the body that laid in the bed before them. The nurse noticed Faith's stare and quickly shut the curtain on the window.  
  
She turned away and began crying uncontrollably. Her best friend was practically dead and there was nothing anybody could do. Why did this happen to him? No one should deserve to die like this, hopeless and helpless. She walked back to Rose and noticed Bosco's father was now there. It caught her off guard.  
  
She stuck her hand out for him to shake. "Hello Mr. Boscorelli."  
  
"Hello Officer." His voice was soft and low as he paced back and forth. Even though him and Bosco had a bad past he was here for him, which helped Faith in ways she didn't understand. She noticed a doctor approach them, a small clipboard in hand.  
  
"Is this Officer Boscorelli's family?"  
  
Rose nodded.  
  
"As you know, his brain suffered another seizure sending him into a coma. After about 30 minutes into the coma he went brain dead. As of right now we have him on a ventilator keeping him alive. It will be your decision when it is time to cut it off."  
  
Words like 'brain dead' and 'ventilator' stuck out to Faith. Those were words used for someone much older, who already lived their life, not for someone who was only 33 and had a life still ahead of them.   
  
Rose wiped away more tears and cleared her throat, "Can we see him before you turn it off?"  
  
"Sure. Follow me." The doctor led them to the room where Bosco was. "You may go in one at a time to tell him whatever you want, make your peace with him."  
  
Rose went in first. She felt like she needed to pass out as she stared down at her oldest son in the bed below her. She heard the machine move at the same time his chest did, keeping oxygen moving through his body. She ran her hand over his forehead.  
  
"Maurice, this is your mama. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. You were the greatest kid any mother could ask for. You are a hero. I'm going to miss you so much. I love you." She kissed his cheek and watched as some of her tears fell down and soaked into his hospital robe. "Goodbye Maurice."  
  
His father went in next. He paced at the foot of the bed, not really sure what to say to his son he hadn't seen in forever.   
  
"I know we didn't have a good past son. I know you probably grew up hating me. These are my final words to you. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you and your brother and mother. I'm sorry. I love you."  
  
Mikey sat beside his bed. "Hey Mo, how you feeling?" He laughed gently, though he felt like crying out loud. It was weird not getting a response out of him, he usually had tons to say. "I love you."  
  
Faith stood outside and was a bit scared to enter the room. Rose grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. "Go Faith. You were so important to him."  
  
Faith nodded and walked slowly into the dark room. She sobbed loudly when she saw his helpless body. "Oh my God." She whispered as she made her way up to him.  
  
"Bosco. I'm so sorry for all of this. Many will remember you. I'll never forget you. People come in and out of our lives everyday, some forgotten, and some remembered, some not even noticed. But you Bosco, you will be one of the greatest memories I'll cherish in my mind for as long as I live. You brightened my life in ways I can't explain to you. You were my best friend. We made it through the good times and the bad ones also. I'll probably never ever share a friendship with anyone else like I did with you. They'll never ever be one quite like you."   
  
She looked out the window at the rain falling hard. She thought about the irony in the raindrops. The heavens were crying also.   
  
"I love you Bosco. You be good up in heaven. A piece of you will always be in my heart."  
  
~~  
  
They all met in the lobby of the ER and decided now was the best time to cut the ventilator. He was gone, there was no use in keeping it going. The doctor proceeded to do it.   
  
"Time of death is 4:45 am."  
  
~~  
  
The funeral was two days later. Faith ran her hands over her dress uniform and stared up into the mirror before her. She was asked to do the eulogy, but she wasn't sure if she could make it through.   
  
She walked up to the small podium set up in the cemetery yard. She stared down at the casket that had an American flag draped over it. His hat and badge lay on top of it, along with a small picture of him. She stared down at the many that attended this sad ceremony. She pulled out a small paper filled with notes on what she was going to talk about. Her face grew hot as she felt tears beginning to flow down her face.  
  
She cleared her throat. "Hello. It is a sad day for everyone here. Today a fellow police officer and friend will be laid to rest. Though he didn't deserve it, his time to leave this world came, though it was early. Many of you knew Maurice Boscorelli on a personal level. To some of you he came off as hard headed with a bad attitude, others he came off as a professional who did his job and did it right.  
  
Very few of us got to see his sensitive side. He hardly ever showed it, he felt as if it were a sign of weakness. The last few weeks of Bosco's life he changed dramatically. One minute he was mean and angry, the next sweet and caring.   
  
I remember what he told me a few days before he died. He told me he hoped this world improved after he died. We were at the park one day watching some kids play. He asked me if I thought that would be the last time he would hear children laugh. I never knew exactly what to say, so I told him to take things one day at a time.   
  
He also said that death was a part of life, though his was short lived. Death is a part of life; I just never understood why he had to die so young. Then I pondered about it and thought up why. God realized Maurice Boscorelli was perfect. He realized Bosco was heaven on earth, so instead of letting him stay here, he wanted Bosco back. He wanted him back so he could be an angel that would protect us all.   
  
I don't think I'll ever get over his death, but I'll always remember that he isn't suffering any more. He's up there, happy with no worries, watching over every single one of us. He was born an angel, and he died an angel. Maurice Boscorelli, we all look up to you and feel protected. We know things will be right." She looked up at the sky and saluted.  
  
The 21-gun salute rang out through the cemetery as Faith and Rose stood over the casket. Faith watched as two officers folded the flag, and presented it to Rose. They all saluted, and released. There was not a dry eye at the ceremony.   
  
~~  
  
That night while Faith laid in bed, she could hear Bosco's voice echo in her mind.   
  
"I never thought something like this would bring me down. I always thought I'd be killed on some shoot out or something, not stuck in a hospital bed with a million tubes sticking out of me. This isn't Maurice Boscorelli."  
  
"Yeah it is. Maurice Boscorelli is a mortal. Officer Bosco is immortal. I'll always remember you didn't get killed being a cop. You got killed being an every day human being."  
  
She rolled over and sniffed. Bosco was in heaven where he belonged.  
  
Eric Clapton  
  
Tears In Heaven  
  
Would you know my name  
  
if I saw you in heaven?  
  
Would you feel the same  
  
if I saw you in heaven?  
  
I must be strong and carry on  
  
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...  
  
Would you hold my hand  
  
if I saw you in heaven?  
  
Would you help me stand  
  
if I saw you in heaven?  
  
I'll find my way through night and day  
  
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven...  
  
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees  
  
Time can break your heart, have you begging please...  
  
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure  
  
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...  
  
Would you know my name  
  
if I saw you in heaven?  
  
Would you feel the same  
  
if I saw you in heaven?  
  
I must be strong and carry on  
  
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...  
  
The End. 


End file.
